The Hole in the Heart
by Tivaau
Summary: "The last she saw of him was his still, beaten figure lying limp on the dark, bloodstained carpet."  Tony and Ziva get caught up in a hostage situation, and it turns ugly. But that's not the twist! Read on to find out, updating soon.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed.**

**A/N: For those Bones fans who are reading this, yes I did get the idea from the episode 'The Hole in the Heart'. Read and enjoy!**

The Hole in the Heart

Ziva stood on the dull, damp grass of the cemetery. Her black scarf hung limp over her shoulders in an attempt to shield her from the light rainfall. She felt empty, alone, yet she was surrounded by people. Gibbs stood tall to her right, with McGee, Abby, and Director Vance to her left. Almost everyone from the NCIS head quarters was here on the overcast evening.

She tore her gaze from her black, grass covered heels and looked over the highly decorated coffin to see Anthony DiNozzo Senior. He met her gaze and smiled weakly at her. He looked as if he had aged another ten years; his cheeks tear stained, and his eyes surrounded by a dark sea of pain and grief. She couldn't hold his stare any longer, so she went back to examining her shoes.

The priest stepped up to the wooden podium and the low hum of the crowd silenced.

"In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our brother, Anthony DiNozzo Junior; and we commit his body to the ground; earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless him and keep him, the Lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious unto him and give him peace. Amen."

"Amen."

The soft patter of rain filled the silence as Special Agent Gibbs walked gingerly up to take the place of the priest.

He cleared his throat before proceeding.

"Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was an outstanding field agent; an extraordinary investigator; and a kind, warmhearted gentleman, although at times, a lot of us thought otherwise." A soft chuckle escaped the crowd before he continued. "He was taken from us, much too soon, in the line of duty." Gibbs paused for a moment as his voice began to waver at his last few words. He took a deep breath in. "He sacrificed his life for his team. For his agency. For his country. And for that, I commend him."

Ziva tried her hardest to keep a straight face, although it was proving a challenge. She flashed back to one week ago when they lost Tony.

_Gibbs stood at Ziva's desk and dangled a set of silver keys in front of her._

"_Hostage situation at Quantico. I'm taking the van with McGee. There are three men, all armed with automatic rifles. One hostage, the other two hostages were shot. I'll give you the rest when we get there."_

"_I'm driving." Tony stole the keys from Gibbs' hand._

"_Hey, Tony!" Ziva stood with her bag and walked to his desk._

"_I find it easier to negotiate with criminals when I'm alive, Zi-va." He picked up his bag and rounded the corner of his desk._

_Ziva stepped in front of him and placed her index finger on his chest._

"_Only if you buy me lunch today." She narrowed her eyes at him as he contemplated her offer._

"_Deal." He offered her his hand as a gesture of agreement and she took it, his lightly calloused hands completely covering hers._

"_NCIS, put your hands where I can see them!" Tony kicked open the solid office door and entered the room with his gun drawn. Ziva followed closely behind him, but something seemed off._

"_Put your weapons down!" Tony shouted again. He turned to Ziva, a look of uncertainty on his face. She returned the look and scanned the room. She remembered that Gibbs had said there were three men, all armed. She looked around the room and could only see two men, and one hostage._

"_Tony…" She whispered next to his ear, unsure of the situation unfolding in front of them._

"_I know, Zi." He glanced quickly at her before moving up to behind the desk where the two armed men stood. "Where's your friend?" She watched him as he did a quick search of the men. He looked across the room to her, worry and shock covered his face as he drew his gun once again._

_Before she could speak she felt a strong arm wrap around her neck, and a cold metal object was shoved against her skull, which she guessed to be a hand gun._

"_You don't want to do this! Put the gun down and let her go!" She struggled to breathe, and the attacker pushed the gun into the side of her head once again._

"_Tony-" Her throat began to burn as he applied more pressure to his grip around her neck. His hands were hard and dry, the rough edges scraped against her soft skin as she struggled against him._

"_I don't think you should be the one pointing the gun, 'Tony'." The attacker's words were heavily accented, possibly Arabic._

_Tony tightened his grip on his gun, only to hear the sound of two other guns being drawn and cocked. He slowly lowered his gun and placed it on the table next to the hostage, who was gagged and unconscious. He raised his hands above his head as the two men came up behind him and pulled his arms down, tying them behind his back._

"_Let her go!"_

_She watched Tony as the third man loosened his grip on her, also tying her hands behind her back. She was pushed forward next to him, and they were both ordered to sit bound, back-to-back. _

"_Get the rope." The third man looked as if he was the leader of three from the way he was ordering the others around. "Tie them together." The two men did as they were ordered._

_She was thrown onto the floor, her head hitting the dark carpet. She sat up and felt Tony sit back against her, his head falling back to touch hers._

"_What do you want from us?" His voice was low, and he sounded annoyed at the current turn of events to say the least._

"_We want diplomatic immunity, and to be escorted out of the country tonight, with no charges." The leader walked past Ziva and knelt next to Tony._

"_Let me get this straight. You, the same three men who murdered fourteen innocent people, including Marines, and took three others hostage, only to blow two of the three men's brains out, want to be escorted out of America and into your home country without any criminal charges. Sure I'll just call up my boss and get a police escort out here right now! Are you guys out of your minds?" _

"_No, Agent…" Ziva felt Tony flinch as the leader ripped his badge from his belt, "DiNozzo, we are not out our minds. We just want to go home to our own country without being charged for our actions. Can you manage that?" _

"_No, sorry. I don't think I can do that." She cursed Tony silently for being cheeky in this situation; it was definitely not the time for it._

"_Okay then." The leader stood, took a deep breath in, and swung his leg into Tony's rib cage. Tony barely flinched, and his breathing remained reasonably steady from the forceful blow. He flinched again, this time keeling over slightly. She heard the air rush out of his lungs, and the loud crack of his ribs as the leader's foot dug in to his ribs again. This time she heard him yelp at the pain, and grabbed his hands. She felt him squeeze her hands back gently._

"_I can help." Her words stopped him in mid-kick. She hadn't planned anything yet; she just wanted him to stop hurting Tony. The leader slowly walked to her, and she looked up to him with glassy eyes. It was torture sitting next to Tony, hearing him yelp in pain and keel over as his ribs were broken, and know that there wasn't much she could do to help him right now._

"_Go on." He stayed standing, wanting to intimidate her._

"_No, Ziva. I can handle this." His voice sounded strained._

"_Tony-"_

"_No, you listen to me. You let her go and I will arrange something with the Director of NCIS. It may not be diplomatic immunity, but it will be better than sitting in jail for the rest of your life." She had a feeling this was going to turn out worse than it did when they went undercover as assassins. _

_She felt his hands move from hers, and start fiddling with the ropes that bound their hands together. He was just trying to buy time so he could get them out of the ropes and arrest the men. She went along with it, and found a frayed end of rope dangling from Tony's wrist. She tugged at it a few times, and it finally gave way. _

"_What do you have in mind?" The leader walked back to his men and checked on the still unconscious hostage. Ziva tapped Tony's wrist, signaling him to test it and see if the rope was completely off. _

"_It's off." His voice was barely audible, but she managed to understand him. "Well, I've got to get my boss in a good mood first; maybe I'll buy him a coffee."_

"_Agent DiNozzo!"_

"_Right, sorry. Anyway, I'll get my boss to work his magic, and hopefully he'll be able to talk the Director into making a deal with you." She could feel him working at the rope in her wrists, so she assumed his hands were free. With one last tug, the rope was pulled from her wrists and she was able to move her hands freely._

"_I'm supposed to believe that?" The leader stayed with his men, examining Tony's firearm on the table. He put it down and studied the rest of the office._

"_Well, I didn't say it was gonna be perfect; but what other options do you have? It's not like you can just walk out of here, hop in your car and go to the airport. We have SWAT teams throughout the building, and snipers all over surrounding buildings. We've even got the FBI here, so we've pretty much got the whole 'chi-bang'. I wouldn't go out there without a plan." Although he was being humorous, she could tell that he was in pain._

_The three men gathered together at the far side of the room, obviously thinking through what Tony had said._

"_Zi, you got anything?" She felt him roll his head to the side, getting closer to her ear. She turned her head the same way so they were cheek-to-cheek._

"_I have a small hand gun strapped to my lower back with four rounds in it, and a knife on my leg. If you take the gun, I will go to the table and get your gun. Then we can arrest them and save the hostage." _

"_Okay, that's the best chance we have. Where's the knot for the rope that's tied around both of us?" She felt him run his hand across her lower back, searching for her gun. _

"_It is closest to me, so I will undo it. Just make sure you have me covered when I go for your gun, okay?" She began to untie the knot as quickly and quietly as she could. Tony finally found the gun, and pulled it out carefully. _

"_Like you told me before, Zi. I've always had your back. Nothing's going to change that now, or for that fact, ever." She smiled at his reply, and finished with the knot. She looked over to see two of the men to the left of the hostage, and the other to the right. If she was quick enough, she would be able to take out the one on the right while Tony covered her and took out the other two on the left._

"_I will go right, you go left. Ready?"_

"_As ready as I'll ever be." _

"_One. Two-"_

"_Kill him." One of the men turned around and pointed Tony's gun at the hostage's head. He hesitated for a moment before firing two rounds into his temple._

"_Wait until he puts the weapon down." She whispered to Tony, hoping that they didn't hear her._

_Eventually, the man put the weapon down on the table and turned back to the group. They looked to be in deep discussion, so now was the best time to arrest them._

"_Wait… Now!" Tony jumped up with the small caliber gun and fired at the first man on the left. Ziva had just gotten to the table when the man on the right drew his gun and was pointing it at her. Tony fired one more round, hitting the other man on the left in the forehead. The last man was squeezing the trigger when Tony leapt in front of Ziva and fired the remaining bullet into his chest. The sounds of bullets firing rang in her ears for a few seconds as she watched the last man fall to the ground. _

_She held on to Tony as he began to fall back, his legs collapsing under his weight. She lowered him slowly to the ground, and only then did she realize that he too had been shot in the chest. Quickly, she loosened his shirt and pressed down on the wound. Blood began to seep out through her fingers and her vision became blurry._

"_No… No! Tony, come on! Just breathe, you have to keep breathing. I will get help, just stay with me!" She reached for her cell with one hand and dialed 'nine-one-one', telling them what had happened. They directed her to keep pressure on the wound until they arrived at the scene._

"_Can you… take a… a rain check for… that lunch?" She could barely hear him; his voice was so quiet and strained._

_She smiled weakly at him, the pain evident in his eyes, although it may not be in his words. _

"_Yes, Tony. Of course I will, I just need you to stay alive. I just… I just need you." A tear found its way down her cheek, and Tony reached up and wiped it away weakly. She used one hand to stroke his hair as he became weaker by the second. _

"_Zi?" His eyes started to become darker, but he managed to keep eye contact with her._

_More tears rolled down her cheeks, and one escaped from Tony's eyes. She wiped it away with her thumb and kept her hand on his cheek._

"_Yes, Tony?" Her voice almost became a plead. She could see that he was going, his eyes turned a lifeless shade of green and his chest relaxed as he let out a long, strained breath._

"_Tony? Oh God, Tony!" She lowered her head to listen to his breathing. He was barely alive now. She felt his pulse; it was slow and weak. _

_Just as she was about to give him CPR, the paramedics rushed in with a stretcher and bags of equipment. Gibbs followed them in, and ran to Ziva._

"_Come on, it's time to go." Gibbs got behind her and tried to pull her up from Tony's body. She resisted, wanting to stay with him, hoping that he wasn't really dead._

"_No, Gibbs. I need to be with Tony…"_

"_Ziva, the paramedics are here. You need to let them do their job, and right now, their job is saving Tony's life." His voice was low and harsh, yet she insisted on staying with Tony._

_She felt Tony squeeze her hand ever so slightly as she leant over him, placing a long, soft kiss on his cheek. _

"_Please, Tony… Do not leave me," she whispered in his ear as Gibbs pulled her up and away from Tony. She struggled against his grip, but he managed to take her out of the room._

_The last she saw of him was his still, beaten figure lying limp on the dark, bloodstained carpet. _

She looked back up to see the coffin, still lying in the middle of the cemetery with the American flag hung over it. On top of the flag was a framed picture of Tony surrounded by a ring of flowers. Below that was a piece of paper with a quote from the poem: Eulogy of the Common Soldier.

"_I would have sacrificed and gave all that I had to give,_

_Not to make man good,_

_But only to let the good man live."_

**I hope this is alright. Probably only two other chapters, but I'll see how you guys like it. Happy new year!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed.**

**A/N: I'm not sure if NCIS agents get a full military funeral, but I assumed they would at least get volley shots, honour guards, and the American flag draped over the coffin if they were to get a funeral, seeing as they are investigating stuff to do with the Navy. Anyway, enjoy the next chapter!**

Ziva's posture was slightly slouched as she looked down at her hands. Clenched tightly in them, she held her gold Star of David necklace.

_The team had spent a majority of the cold, still day sitting at their desks, writing up reports for Gibbs. McGee finished first, and placed his report on Gibbs' desk before rushing out of the bullpen with a quick "C ya."_

_Only a few minutes later, Gibbs stood, packed up his desk and switched his light off. _

"_Leave them on my desk when you're done." And with that, he strode out of the bullpen and into the elevator, his overcoat slung over his arm._

_Now it was just Tony and Ziva left in the soft, yellow glow of the bullpen. She heard the beeps and clicks of the printer behind her, and Tony stood, making his way over to it. _

"_You almost done?" She could hear the shuffling of papers behind her as Tony organised his report._

"_I am done… now." She saved the report and clicked 'print', and began to pack up her desk. _

_He leant over her shoulder and mumbled 'stapler' as he searched her desk for one. She opened her drawer and handed him her stapler._

"_Thanks." His voice rang low in her ear as he backed off from her. She stood from her seat and turned to the printer forgetting how close he was to her. She bumped into him and steadied herself by placing her hands on his chest. _

"_Oh, sorry." She felt something in his jacket pocket, maybe a piece of jewellery? She didn't want to push the issue, so she stepped back and around him to the printer._

_She heard his low chuckle as she organised her report. She turned around to get her stapler, when Tony held it out in his hand._

"_Thank you." She finished with her report and was about to put it on Gibbs' desk when Tony stepped in front of her. _

"_Here." He offered his hand and she placed her report in it, watching as he retreated to Gibbs' desk to place both reports on it._

"_Thank you, again." She narrowed her eyes at him as he went back to his desk to pack up, trying to figure out why he was being so nice to her tonight. He looked up at her, confused by the expression on her face._

"_What?" He stopped what he was doing and kept his eyes on her._

"_No, nothing. I am just… thinking." She took her seat and shut down the computer._

"_Okay." He returned to packing up his desk._

_After a few moments she had closed her drawers, shut down her computer and picked up her bags ready to leave for the night. She stood, grabbed her keys and made for the elevator. Just as she walked past Tony's desk he stopped her, placing a hand on her arm._

"_Oh, Zi. I've got something for you." She looked at him curiously._

"_Okay." She turned and rounded the corner of his desk, waiting by his side._

_He rummaged through his pants pockets, finally finding it in his jacket. He stood and slowly pulled a gold chain out of his pocket. He held it out in his hand, and it was then that she realised what it was. It was the Star of David necklace. _

"_When I first saw you in Somalia, I realised you were missing something." He offered her the necklace and she took it. She couldn't help but smile at his kind gesture. She remembered when Saleem had ripped her Star of David necklace off and threw it on the ground. She had felt incomplete ever since she had lost the necklace, but now she felt right. Now she felt like she was _Ziva_._

"_Tony I… It is beautiful. Thank you." Her voice was soft and small as she looked down at the shiny gold necklace. She couldn't believe that he had bought her another necklace; she couldn't believe that he had noticed straight away that she wasn't wearing it. _

"_You're welcome, Ziva." He smiled softly at her as her vision became blurry. "Do you want me to…?"_

"_Yes, please." She gave him the necklace and turned her back to him. She pulled her hair to the side so he could get to her neck. He slid the thin chain around her neck, the cool, gold of the Star of David rested below her collar bone. His fingers grazed her neck and shoulders as he clipped the chain together. She looked down and examined the necklace. _

"_There." He held her by her shoulders and spun her around to face him. She held on to the Star and looked up at him with glassy eyes, smiling back at him._

"_I'll see you tomorrow." His hands slid off her shoulders as he gathered his things. _

"_Okay." She looked back down at her necklace as Tony brushed past her towards the elevator. She glanced up to see Tony's retreating figure. As he stopped, he turned to her smiling at her as he waited for. She smiled back and mouthed 'thank you' once more before the elevator doors opened. He nodded in acknowledgement and stepped in to the elevator._

_She placed her bag next to his desk and sat down; admiring the wonderful piece of jewellery he had given to her. When she flipped it over to see the back, she saw a small imperfection. As she studied it closer she realised that it was writing. She held it closer to her face and read the engraving._

"_Forever, and always._

_~ A" _

She squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from escaping, but it was too late. A tear found its way down her cheek and to the corner of her mouth. She sniffled and wiped it away, trying to mask her emotions.

Gibbs stepped down from the podium and walked over to the black, wooden coffin. He reached in to his pocket and pulled out Tony's badge, placing it next to his picture.

"You did good, Anthony." He patted his badge before turning to stand back next to Ziva.

"Ziva." He nodded his head towards the coffin where McGee and Abby stood, placing flowers next to his badge. She felt a hand on the small of her back as he pushed her forward, urging her towards the coffin.

She took small, slow steps forward as she stared at his picture. She missed his smile, his jokes. She missed _him._ She took one last look at the necklace he had given her before placing it on his coffin.

"_Forever and always_, Anthony." She held the necklace tight, and then placed it on top of his badge. She took a deep breath in and walked back to Gibbs. He put his arm around her as she leant her head on his shoulder. More tears escaped her and trickled down to dampen his suit jacket as she lost the battle with herself. That bullet was meant for _her,_ she was the one who was supposed to be in that coffin, not Tony. He wasn't supposed to die, he wasn't supposed to die for _her._ She hated herself for letting him jump in front of that bullet. She hated herself for not being able to keep him alive. She hated herself for not being able to tell him how she really felt about him.

She kept her breathing long and deep as the honour guards came to attention. She couldn't bear to look up and face the reality today brought. Tony was _dead._ He was _gone._ She was never going to hear one of his stupid, inappropriate jokes again. She was never going to have to put up with his annoying movie references at crime scenes again. She was never going to hear his voice, feel his touch, or see his face _ever _again.

The reality hit her hard, like someone had just kicked her in the stomach. She felt weak, tired, drained. She felt physically ill at the thought of looking over her desk to see and empty one in front of her.

The sound of the honour guards firing volley shots brought her back to the cold, lonely reality. She looked up to the coffin where Director Vance, Ducky, and Palmer stood paying their respects. As they left, she watched a tall lanky man take their place whom she didn't recognise. A smirk played on his thin, sharp lips as he looked at Tony's picture.

"I guess this mean I win, Agent DiNozzo." He chuckled and took a step back from the coffin.

She saw movement to her left, and looked to see one of the honour guards running towards the mysterious man. She stared at the guard, desperately trying to figure out why he looked so familiar to her.

"You guessed wrong, Myers!" The crowd gasped as the guard tackled Johnson to the ground. They struggled for a few moments before the guard ripped himself from Johnsons grip, pulled out a hand gun and pointed it at him. He moved closer and rolled him over, placing handcuffs on him. The sound of sirens filled the air as two FBI cars pulled up behind the gathering.

Ziva watched as the Director yanked Johnson up, and turned to the guard.

"Great work, DiNozzo."

"Thanks, Director." Vance walked over to the FBI with Johnson and shook hands with Fornell, but straight away her gaze snapped back to the guard.

"Tony?" She watched the guard slowly turn around, his hand gripping his ribs.

She stood frozen to the spot, unable to move from the shock of seeing him.

"Ziva, I-"

"No, do not bother, Tony." She looked him in the eyes, the same eyes that were a dull, lifeless green the last time she saw him. His expression was apologetic, pleading for forgiveness. Another tear fell down her cheek.

"Zi?" She held his gaze for a few moments before turning on her heels and leaving. She couldn't do this. Just as she was coming to the realisation that she was never going to see him again, he pops back into her life, very much alive.

"Zi!" He took a few steps forward in an act to stop her, but Gibbs stopped him in his tracks.

"Tony! Let her go."

"No, Boss I-"

"DiNozzo, that's an order!"

She kept walking, the rain becoming heavier as she left the shelter of the trees. Right now, all she needed was to be alone. She grabbed the keys out of her bag and unlocked her car. She sat down, throwing her bag to the passenger seat, and rubbed her face. Her red rimmed eyes were swollen from her crying, and her face was wet from a mixture of tears and rain.

She felt a well of emotions build up inside her; anger, frustration, _relief_. She was overwhelmed by today, and she couldn't hold herself up any longer. She finally let herself go.

**BAM! Hope you liked it. Next chapter will probably be the last. Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to ForeignMusicLyrics, who introduced me to a similar piece of fanfiction that I had no idea about. It's creepy how similar it is to mine, although it (When it All Comes Down by FS-13) is so much better than mine (i.e. longer, clearer, and in more depth). Also, I feel as though the confrontation between Tony and Ziva (Next chapter) will be less dramatic because I forgot to do a chapter on her grieving at the start of the story. I hope it doesn't disappoint too much :/**

**Anyway, I hope you guys are still enjoying this, although I did leave a bit of a gap before this update… It's a suspense builder… Yeah, a suspense builder *Cough***

**Okay, enjoy!**

The drive home had been a blur, quite literally. Her red-rimmed mahogany orbs were like opaque windows to her torn, beaten soul. What had happened to her? Ever since she had joined NCIS, she became weak. She was forced to rely on others, her team, not herself. But mostly, she was forced to rely on _Tony;_ the man whom she would give her life for, the man who was willing to give his life for her, the man that _was_ her life.

How could he let her live like that; let her think that he was dead, let her _believe_ that he was dead. Why didn't he just call her, tell her that it was all a set up, and that he wasn't actually dead? Why did he have to take that bullet, that bullet that was intended for _her_? She knew for a fact that being shot would have been less painful than living through a torturous week of believing that Tony was dead.

"_It has been six hours, Gibbs. I would have thought that by now, they would have removed the bullet and stitched him back up." _

_She was pacing. She had been pacing ever since they had arrived at the hospital. As soon as Gibbs had told her to go home, to get some rest after seeing Tony lying helpless on the floor, dying, she had made her mind up. Tony was supposed to be fine. He was supposed to get through the operation with no complications. He was supposed to be in the bullpen, doing desk work the next week, and he was supposed to be _fine.

_Right now, he didn't seem fine. It had been six hours since he had arrived at the hospital. It had been six-and-a-half hours since he had been shot, since he had been lying in a pool of his own blood. Since he had been _dying.

_She ran a blood stained hand through her pathetic, messy curls as she waited for news on Tony. As she spun on her heels to walk back up the hall, she saw a doctor stride towards her. With every step closer, she could see that he was tired, exhausted, barely standing on his own two feet. He stopped by her side, and Gibbs made his way towards them._

"_Agent Gibbs, Agent David." He gave the pair a nod of acknowledgment._

"_How is-"_

"_Gibbs! Ziva! How's Tony, is he okay?" Abby ran up to them with McGee and Dr. Mallard in tail. _

"_That's what we're about to find out, Abs." Gibbs looked back to the doctor who stood before them._

"_The bullet entered his chest through the second and third rib, tearing the superior vena cava and the aortic arch. In simpler terms, the bullet tore two of his major arteries that supply blood to and from the heart." Ziva stared blankly over the doctors shoulder into space, lost in her own thoughts. They could repair that, couldn't they? Even if they couldn't stitch it up, they could have replaced it, right? Gibbs' question brought her back to reality._

"_Were you able to repair it?" _

"_We managed to repair both the superior vena cava and the aortic arch, but there were complications after the surgery." Ziva's eyes snapped back to the doctor's face. "Just as we were about to close him up, he blew his stitches. His bleeding was too profuse to be stopped. We did everything we could to save him."_

"_Oh my God." Abby's voice broke the silence. _

"_I'm truly sorry for your loss. If there is anything we can do, let me know." _

"_Thank you." Gibbs shook the doctor's hand before he turned and made his way back down the hall. _

_Ziva stood, glued to the floor. This couldn't be happening, Tony couldn't be dead. How could the doctor be so calm about it? _

_She didn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. This was Tony we're talking about. The man that had been kidnapped by a psychopath, who had been shot at like there was no tomorrow, who had been blown up, twice! He had made it through everything else, so why couldn't he make it through this. It was just a bullet. It was just a stupid little bullet that was meant for her. _

"_Ziva. Ziva, are you okay?" She felt a pair of strong hands grip her firmly on her shoulders, shaking her slightly. She tore her gaze from the wall to see Gibbs standing in front of her._

"_Yes Gibbs, I am fine." She met his steely blue stare briefly, before averting hers to a sight much less intense. _

"_Ziva, are you sure y-"_

"_Yes!" Her hiss caught the attention of the orderlies down the hall._

_Gibbs removed his hands from her shoulders, allowing her to move. She looked once more down the hall to Tony's room before leaving the hospital. She couldn't be here anymore. She couldn't stand around and wait knowing that right now, at this moment, there was a medical examiner with his hands nosing around in Tony's chest._

_She had to leave. She had to get away from the hospital, from everyone. She had to get away from _death_. Every man that she had come to trust. Every man that she had come to care about had left her, abandoned her, and all in one similar fashion. They had all died._

_Yes, she cared for Gibbs, for Ducky, for McGee. But her care for Tony was much deeper. Much more than just care. Not now, not even after his death, could she admit to herself about how she felt for him. But if she couldn't admit it, does that mean that she didn't actually feel for him that way? Or was she just a coward?_

_She leant towards the latter as she sat down in her car. She switched on the ignition and reversed out of her space. Where she was going, she had no idea. Why she was going, well that was completely obvious. _

She entered her room and rid herself of the dull, damp clothes she sported. Settling for a black Army style t-shirt and her usual pair of cargo pants, she gathered her keys and backpack and left for NCIS.

Right now, she didn't need to be thinking about Tony. She didn't _want _to be thinking about Tony. She just needed to get to NCIS and bury herself in whatever paperwork she had.

**A/N: Nothing really happened in this chapter, and I'm not that happy about how I wrote it. But as I get to the confrontation between Tony and Ziva, it should get a tad more exciting.**

**As always, read and review. Thanks!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Yes, it has been a while. I won't keep you waiting any longer.

Enjoy!

The Hole in the Heart

Ziva strode out of the elevator, determined to rid herself of the thoughts circling her mind. She dropped her bag next to her desk and sat down in the empty bullpen, booting up her computer.

As she waited for her computer to turn on, she rested her head in her hands. She couldn't believe that he was alive. In one week she had prepared herself to live the rest of her life without him. Now, he was back, and that threw her way off course. How could this happen? How _did _this happen? She watched him fade away beneath her, she watched his blood seep from his body and gather in a dark pool around him. She watched him _die_.

The familiar sound of the Windows log-in disrupted her from her thoughts, and she entered her password to her account. She opened up her emails and mindlessly read through them, her body on autopilot as she fell back into the sea of confusion swirling in her head.

Who else knew? Gibbs, McGee, Abby? The director definitely had to know, as this was an undercover assignment coordinated by NCIS. Why didn't Vance tell her? Why didn't _Tony_ tell her?

"Agent David, a word?" She looked up to see the director. He glanced over to the stairs, so she stood and followed. They stopped behind the stairs, away from the busyness of the offices.

"About today-"

"Why did you not tell me?" The venom in her voice caught the attention of a passing agent.

"It was an undercover assignment, David. The less people who knew about it, the better."

"Did Gibbs know?" Her tone sounded slightly less poisonous.

"Yes."

She sighed. "Why did he-"

"Ask him yourself. When I told him, I gave him the option of telling the team or not. He chose not to, it was for the better."

She ran a frustrated hand through her hair as impatience overtook her.

"Okay." She was leaving as she felt a stern hand on her shoulder.

"Agent David, don't take your frustration out on DiNozzo. He didn't have a choice in this assignment. If he didn't so it, it would have cost him his career." He removed his hand from her shoulder and she paced out to the bullpen, grabbing her bag and keys. There was only one place that she was interested in going now; Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs' house.

She stormed in, not bothering to knock. She threw her gear onto his couch and headed for his basement.

She found him, his back to her as he sanded the edges to yet another boat. How did he get them out of there? That wasn't important right now. What was important was why he had felt the urge to keep Tony's survival from her.

"Why?" She skipped the small talk and went straight to her point.

"Vance told you, huh?" He continued with his wood work.

"Why, Gibbs? Why did you keep it from me? I am his _partner_; I am supposed to protect him. Seeing him _die_, that was telling me that I had failed at my job. That I had failed at my duty of protecting him. And living with that for a week to suddenly find out that he is alive, do you know what that is like?"

"No." He stopped sanding the wood, but still stayed facing away from her.

"Gibbs…"

"Look, Ziva." His tone was harsh as he spun around to face her. "What did you want me to do? I was told that Tony was to go on an undercover operation, and to do so, he had to fake his death. Yeah, I wasn't happy 'bout it, but I went along with it. Vance specifically told me that only five people new Tony was still alive, and that if any more knew, it would risk the safety of the op. I decided that you, McGee, and the rest of the team didn't need to know about it. I was protecting you, and I was protecting Tony."

She stared blankly at his tired form. He was right. If anyone else knew about it, then Tony's cover could have been blown. And she didn't want that. No, she definitely did not want that.

"Okay." Her voice was soft, trying to hide the overwhelming ping of guilt that she felt in her chest. The last words she had said to Tony were harsh. He didn't deserve it, to be rejected by his partner. After all he had done for her, _after taking a bullet for her_, she treated him like garbage.

She had to go. She had to go and apologise to him. It wasn't fair how she was treating him. Blaming him for not telling her, that wasn't right. He had to follow orders. That's his job, after all. And to go and be angry at him for following orders, _that_ was out of line.

So she turned and took the stairs two at a time, feeling like if she didn't get there in time, he could be gone again. She started her car and sped off to his apartment, hoping that he would be there. Endless strings of words ran through her head as she tried to think of a way she could say she was sorry. A way she could say it, and _truly_ mean it.

She arrived outside his apartment, parking across three spaces. She ripped her keys out of the ignition and pushed through the lobby doors. The lift was at the top floor, so she made for the stairs, this time taking three at a time. Her mind was swirling with possible excuses; her heart was racing double time. She made it to his floor. Bursting through the door, she jogged down the hallway to his room. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself. After one last breath, she knocked firmly on the door. Moments passed but she couldn't hear any movement behind the door. She knocked again. Seconds turned to minutes as she stood, hoping that he would pull the door open and let her explain herself to him.

But he didn't. He didn't come and open the door. Instead, his door stayed closed, and Ziva remained out in the hallway. What was she thinking, anyway? It wasn't like he was just going to forgive her after she treated him that way. She was pathetic; she didn't deserve to be forgiven by Tony.

Work. That's what she needed. Submersing herself in work would distract her from the fact that she had messed up. It would distract her from the fact that she had completely ruined her relationship with him, not just as co-workers, but as best friends. Admittedly, yes; she did want their relationship to be a bit more than 'best friends' before they screwed things up. And yes, she didn't _ever _want them to screw things up between them. But right now? She just wanted things to go back to the way they were. She wanted things to go back to the way they were before he got shot. Before she crushed their friendship to pieces over a stupid under cover assignment. Before she ruined her chances at becoming more than his best friend and co-worker. Before she ruined her chances at telling him how she really felt about him. Before she missed her chance to tell him that she _loves_ him.

After all they have been through, after all of this, she still loves him. That's what love is, isn't it? No matter what the other person does, no matter what happens between you. You still love him. And six years ago? She wouldn't have dreamed about having a relationship with a man, let alone falling in love with one. Never in a million years would she have dreamed that that man would be Tony. And yet here she is, leaving the lobby to _his_ apartment. The apartment of the man that she has fallen so incredibly and deeply head over heels in love with. The apartment of the man that is all she can think about; that is all she could care about. The apartment of the man that is her _everything_.

The cold, crisp air hit her hard as she exited the lobby. She hugged herself as she walked to her car. She slowed as she saw someone next to her car, their back facing her. As she got closer she could make out more details. Broad shoulders, expensive suit with a pricey overcoat, neat hair. No. _No_. It couldn't be him. It _shouldn't _be him. Guilt struck her as she realised that it _was_ him.

**A/N: **I'm sorry, but that's as far as my brain will let me go for now. I know it's probably a terrible place to end a chapter, but my updating should be a little more regular now that this story is finishing up. Hope you guys that have stuck around are enjoying this.


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